What’s better than Ambien and Lunesta?

A math textbook taken at bed….or, another BOOK REVIEW.

I just read a book that was different than the usual fare I read. I just read The Book of Dahlia by Elise Albert a young, new author. Something else I rarely do is read new authors. I usually read classics or from authors that are very established and have much to choose from and usually have a paranoid element to their stories. I wanted something a little different and I sure got it.

Dahlia is a 29-year-old mess up with a directionless life that suddenly is diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer. The whole book is about how she faces dying and memories or her very sad past life.

She is not a battered wife, a prisoner, mentally ill, or desperately poor. Dahlia’s tragedies are emotional. Her family is upper middle class Jewish but very dysfunctional.  I doubt she is a ti unless her tumor is electronically caused.

Ever since early childhood when her parents break up and her brother becomes her enemy, Dahlia is adrift. She keeps on half-assedly trying to find her groove but nothing ever sticks. She drifts through school and college and then goes on to temp work, bartending, and even soft core prostitution before she is forced to give up and let her rich indulgent father buy her a house. She sits around watching movies high on pot and strolling the streets of her upscale Cali town drinking Starbucks.

After her seizure which leads to her diagnosis, she ends up buying a book at Borders that is supposed to be a cancer (rah rah rah you can beat this!) book but Dahlia’s take on it is hilarious.  Her slow decline is tragic made even more so by the attempts of the people around her to “help” her as she is dying.  To be perfectly honest, Dahlia was already dead even before the diagnosis.

Most other people who have read this book focus on the fact that Dahlia had an aimless life and whether it’s appropriate to mourn someone who never “did anything” with their life. I would like to take another view of the novel and focus on whether it is appropriate to mourn for a whole generation of aimless drifters: the progeny of the upper class  Jewish Baby Boomers and Yuppies:   mostly people under 40.

I don’t see how Dahlia could ever have had a real life after reading about her upbringing. No one ever instilled her with values. All she was surrounded by was superficiality and pop culture. She never felt a stinging need to work to prove herself to anyone or to stand up for her nonexistent values.  Her love for her family was deadened by long years of emotional abuse and apathy.  The one man who seems to love her gets rejected by her.

Her peers were either busy starving themselves or preparing themselves for Law School or trying to have sex with every boy that moved. No one had any desire but for more of the same prosperous spiritual deadness that defines upper middle class “cultural” Jews.

They have a long history but no faith. They have the traditions but not the God that is behind them. They are full of comedy shtick about Jewish things and love books on other Jews and movies about Jews and Jewish celebrities but do not know anything about the Bible beyond the little they learned in Hebrew school.

The only Gospel they ever hear is the social Gospel of do gooding which is sort of comfortable sub culture in and of itself. Endless cycles of fundraising, and dinners and pictures on the society pages of every newspaper. Some will quit eating meat because it’s “humane” and some won’t wear fur or even leather for the same reason. They help out the homeless sometimes, they love giving to the disease of the week. They love the little rubber bracelets and ribbons that denote the “cause” you are behind. It’s all crap.

Some of them know the Jewish prayers from their youth and can “doven” with the leanest meanest Hassid, yet, synagogue is just another social tool for them.  When the rabbi gets up to preach the sermon it’s just watered down social gospel–there’s no real sermon no conviction no downcast eyes.  Many liberal churches are like this as well.

It’s the children that suffer the most from these social climbing Jews-in-name-only even if they don’t appear to be suffering.  They look well fed (some of them), well dressed, and very “articulate”, but they are dead inside.  Like Dahlia, they sort of drift through high school and college partying and f*cking until they “decide” on a career some way towards the end of college wherein they go to graduate school and become a newly minted Yuppie with a mortgage, a shul membership, a late model car, and a scrawny insecure emotional wife.  Then they try to survive in this shitty economy and with a looming dictatorship.  They go thousands of dollars into debt to perpetuate an “image” to their equally self centered friends and neighbors.  They know every brand name of shoes out there but know almost nothing of the Bible.  They must  keep working  to pay on the debt…..it’s death in the flesh.

Terms such as “good” and “evil” mean nothing to them.  A few will have setbacks in life and end up getting off the money track and may even find religion of some sort–either that or they go around blindly following one guru after another and one movement after another looking for fulfillment.

A few might find a fulfilling job if they get off the corporate ride and work for the poor full time or get a career that takes them on site in a jungle or desert somewhere working for science or a religion, but not many.  Some will become homeless when they try to fall back on their distant, superficial families.  The ones who do will never be the same.

Some will die.  For some that is the most merciful option barring the fundamentalist belief that all unsaved people go straight to Hell which I don’t totally believe.

Should we mourn this generation, this pampered petted generation, the spawn of shopping malls, manicures and pedicures, USY getaways, laser whitened teeth and fancy vacations?  Yes, we should, because they are dead before they even lived, save for the few that see tribulation and wake up to the real world.  They, too, “never had a chance” even though they never spent one day as a ti.

As a postscript, I would like to add that people who lack direction and principles are commonly recruited as perps.  Being a perp, for some empty souls, gives them “meaning” to life, and by the time they realize they are enslaved for life, it’s too late.  How many little preppy yuppie sluts “got into perping” after realizing life had nothing for them since they failed to plan or even to make the most of what they had?

Wow, this is a strange one

I was just messing around on the computer when I decided to google someone I used to know years ago after reading a post by a forum member who did some research and pretty much found the source of her stalking.

I used to know this man years ago and he was my friend (or so I thought) right before my stalking started. The person who introduced me to him I thought was a friend as well, or so I thought.  He was very kind to me and made me feel I could trust in him and confide in him. Later, a couple of years after the shit started in earnest, he “turned” on me and started treating his “friend” like shit, but, I figured that “everyone else” turns on me so it just fit the pattern.

Strangely enough he sort of remained in my life even though I had nothing to do with him as a friend. I’d see him all the time but he’d treat me worse and worse till it got to the point he would not even say “hi” to me. Of course, I blamed myself: I was too difficult, too fat, etc.

Turns out our boy is a MASON. Bet this mofo started the shit on me back in the 1980s. Why, I don’t know. He never acted angry at me and I don’t remember doing anything to him that would make him angry. There were rumors that he was having affairs outside his marriage with certain members of a vulnerable population, but, he never ever even kind of came on to me. He was a gentleman. I think I suspected he was “messing around” with another friend I had that “turned” on me not long after I knew this man but I never looked into it since she was not that good looking and he was kinda hot back in the day.  This lady had “connections” since her husband was in the entertainment industry in town, so, maybe our boy decided I was vulnerable and stupid enough not to catch on a conspiracy was hatching around me for years.  He was right.

This is not to say that all Masons are perps, but, as this man knew me around the beginning of my stalking and knew too much about me, and also since my grandfather was a high ranking Mason, I wonder.

Even back in the day when we were friendly I noticed he seemingly sabotaged me when I needed him the most but fluffed it off to him being unfamiliar with the situation I was having and not knowing what to do.  Now I wonder.  Otherwise, despite that, he was sweet and kind and cute and even though others sometimes complained about him I thought they had just gotten onto his bad side and were unfairly castigating him.  I was proud of my “favored” status with him.  HE MADE ME FEEL IMPORTANT when I went through my life being stepped on. I was so stupid.  And wrong.  He hated me from the start, I bet.

Let this be a warning to you all.  If someone is buttering you up, take another look.

He was no moral icon, having been married and divorced several times, but that had nothing to do with me.  I just decided he picked the wrong women or he had too many emotional issues for them.  Rather, he was a bastard to them and they left him.

I never saw it.  I was young, and he had a nice ass, and, even though I knew even then I was not attractive enough to get a piece of that ass (I was not saved yet) I valued his input as a friend.  My girlfriend back then was uglier than I, how did she get him, if she did?

If this boy wasn’t the main perp that “got things started” then he was one of the few at the top.  He knew things about me that became my main “protocol” over the years.  I had overlooked him.  Well, wasn’t it Agatha Christie that said the guilty one was the one that you suspected the least?

One day while sitting in perp hell…

Called the public library of a metro city close to here I read most of a book concerning the lives of street kids in Portland, Oregon. The book is titled All God’s Children and written in 2007.

These kids are not miserable isolated waifs. They organize themselves into “families” with rules. They are also psychopathic and brutal. These are street gangs for white kids. These street “families” have a 20 year history in Portland starting in about 1992 or before.

What I found interesting was the structure of the “families” and how they COULD be how small perp cells work. They are strictly regimented under strong leaders they call “mom” and “dad” and they are brutal. No one knows who will be “next” when it comes to violence.

“Mom” and “dad” tell the kids what to do and also what chores they have in the camp and who they are supposed to go out with and sleep with.  Breaking rules can get punishments like being cast out of the group, ordered to leave town, beat up, “taxed” (where belongings are confiscated), or even slowly, brutally tortured and murdered.

The kids are bizarre, occultic and racist. They love dungeons and dragons and wear “swords” and get called by fantasy driven street names. They are sort of like a bizarre rock n’ roll variety of a gang of skinheads. They sport cool clothes and mohawk hairdos and love street festivals.  Sometimes they even hang out in a wannabe’s apartment trashing it with drugs and dog feces from the pet dogs they pick up on the street.

These kids are not all children but vary from 14 or so to 32! Their bizarre lack of conscience and coldness struck me. Some of the kids and even innocent citizens got killed based on an unfounded rumor that gets out of hand and some people even get killed on impulse being the wrong place at the wrong time. It sounds like how some ti’s are targetted.

These rumor campaigns along with “punishments”, “taxes” and killings are called the “dramas” and are entertainment for these depraved demonic kids. They remind me of ancient Romans going to the Coliseum to see Christians thrown to the lions.

These kids aren’t Crips or Bloods or any kind of minority gang comprised of poor deprived kids but are mostly kids from good homes where they were loved and cared for. Some of these kids went on the streets for the excitement and rebellion leaving worried families all over the country. Only a few of the kids have real hard luck stories.

One kid left a promising life at college behind to sleep under a bridge with one of these families.

The kids make use of the local social services but only to supplement their lives and get food, etc. They do not want to use them to get off the streets. They will beg change and even work for drug money.

These cushy teen shelters even have massage therapists, yoga and a recording studio. The free feeds they go to have gourmet food, even vegetarian food. It must be nice to live in the Northwest.

I did not get to finish the book as I do not have a card at that library but the main part of the plot deals with the murder of a semi-retarded young woman who gets caught up in these gangs just because she got a part time job downtown and saw one of these cretins hanging out asking for change, and being the naive woman she was, started a conversation. Her naivete got her targetted with a rumor campaign and brutally, terribly killed after she had hung out with the “family” for awhile.

This book was chilling and hard to put down. I can see these kids growing up and becoming the reptile eyed young adult perps I see around all the time.

I need a new post

I could post how I’ve been “banned” from a local grocery whore, or, how is it that writers, musicians, filmmakers, etc. get by with creating books, CD’s, movies, websites, etc..that deal with how bad things are and that don’t get into “trouble” over it. Is is “kosher” if you bury your dissatisfaction with the rotten system in an art form? I think many authors and musicians and filmmakers are hip to our plight and hint around about it and the NWO in their works but do not help ti’s. It’s titillating to think about conspiracies but not so fun to live it. The average consumer can just “wake up” to their “freedom” and think none of it is happening. What really freaks me out is the number of songs I listen to that has lyrics about the singer having “voices” in his/her head.

More to come.