Downcastmysoul

Beware the Ides of March!
Today is March 15. This is my FOURTH anniversary of getting onto the Internet to contact other ti’s and to figure out my own stalking. Not much has changed. I still don’t know the “reason” for my stalking and I probably never will. The “reason” becomes unimportant after awhile anyway. The stalking goes on and on so the stalkers can make money and the little street stalkers can learn to be obedient drones in an endless cycle.

I first posted on a now defunct message board while sitting in a public library. I had to post, reply and get off the computer in an hour. Computer time was precious then. Now, it’s about all I do is sit on the Net. It’s all I have left.

Back in 2005, I still had a few crumbs in my life left. I still had one friend, a tenuous relationship with family, and a faith in God that hadn’t been destroyed yet. I still thought that my “ship would come in” and that “God would deliver me”.

These past four years have been a learning experience. I have learned about human nature and it’s total basic depravity in the face of gangstalking. I have learned how easy it is for evil people to lead other humans. I have learned that even religion and a rock solid faith does not make one immune to the siren songs of these perps. They just tailor their spiel to whoever they are trying to “convert” to their side. I have learned even other ti’s are not immune. I have been backstabbed and turned on and betrayed in a manner no different than when non ti’s did it to me during my life. What they were offered and/or threatened with I will never know. It’s all about secrecy now.

Everything is a secret. Society operates on secrets and lies. No one can be trusted. The perps and their technology even try and make it seem God can’t be trusted. Will it ever end? Will I see it end?

I had such hope in the beginning: I thought I would hook up with other ti’s and finally make friends I could trust. I would finally even find a significant other I could trust. I was betrayed and screwed with to the point where I could see that the other ti’s were getting a kind of screwed up enjoyment in hurting me since I revealed too much to them since I thought I could “trust” them. After that, I never felt more alone.

I might have never gone on the message boards/forums at all if it hadn’t been for some news I received (second hand of course). I found out that a friend I had had was dead, decades before her time. I had waited over a decade for her to contact me. She never did, and she never will, now. At that moment, on January 9, 2005, I began to accept my predicament. I realized that whoever was doing this to me had no mercy and would continue to destroy my life. I finally accepted that on January 9, 2005, that I was a ti, a target. My life had been a waste.

For the 2 months after that, I spent hours on the web just reading about this on Heart’s Site (now defunct? does anyone have info?), the Illuminati News, which would “kill” the public library computer every time I tried to search the site, and the Mindcontrolforums. I also found Eleanor White’s site. I was horrified yet fascinated that the weird things going on in my life fit a pattern and that I was not alone. I finally got the courage to post on a board since the stalking and weirdness had intensified along with my new knowledge.

A few months later I was hooked up to the Net at home, a weird coincidence if you think about it. It was almost as if the perps were throwing me a bone or that God released a tiny crumb of Grace. I realized later that that Web is sort of a containment for ti’s to express themselves that is (sort of ) allowed by the perps for some reason. Either they cannot stop it, or they have decided to let us “express ourselves” for the purposes of deniability as in “see, we have free speech here”, you know the story.

As the years went on, my life got smaller and smaller. The little life I had was gone. I was alone much of the time. Still, I would not trade this knowledge for the tiny little “life” I was allowed back then. Plus, who knows if the trash would have even allowed me to keep that much?