Downcastmysoul

I do wonder sometimes. As I go thru life merely existing in a kind of punishment mode the perps created for me and watch life go on all around me and know I cannot participate, and now realize there is no one to complain to, I wonder if I died, am dead, extinct, expired, expiration date passed.

Right after or before this shit started, I took a plane ride. Did the plane really land? Did it crash and I forgot I’m dead? One of the few friends I had in this world had committed suicide when I was gone. This greeted me when I got back. I didn’t really notice the targetting until a few months later, but, looking back, I can see it’s early manifestations. Is this a special punishment mode for hellbound souls who are “not quite bad enough” for the fire/brimstone/demon routine? This was years before I was “saved”. Was I really “saved”? Is this a delusion from the demons assigned to me to create a plausible world for me to live in whilst they punish my soul at leisure?

Right after it started, the few people who cared about me in this world started dying one by one leaving me no one who really cared. Did the people who *seemed* to care really care? Was that a delusion? Did I die as a teen?

Slowly but surely the few places/situations where I would receive any human warmth/emotion/sympathy/empathy dwindled and died. Everywhere it was replaced by coldness and “perping”. Even in church. God said that “hearts would grow cold” in Matthew. Sounds good to me.

With the advent of cell phones, even my illusion of privacy died. Everyone around me would whip out the phone if I showed up. Soon, everyone was using the same taunt, whispered to me as I went by. It seemed the whole city was occupied by machines or demons. It seemed as if my life was a lie, a delusion, a mere show put on for my everlasting punishment. To get any peace at all, I found I had to isolate myself, futher disconnecting from the society that seemed determined to disown me.

With the discovery of this kind of stalking/harassment/mental death/mind control/deliberate regression/infantalization process on the Web my whole life fell in. I had a nervous breakdown without having a nervous breakdown. I know I could not show up at a hospital or therapists office with this story as I already knew what would happen from hard experience in other situations. Out would come the schizo pills. So I hid my anguish the best I could but it came out anyway. The last scraps of human interaction I had were destroyed. I had the surety I needed to know no one was to be trusted. I isolated more, I cried a lot. I reached out to other targets on the Web to find most of them seemed to be informants for the enemy and/or unwilling to interact with me because they said their targetting “increased” when they interacted with me. What, their targetting did not “increase” when they interacted with other targets? Why just me? It seemed I was the center of this nightmare. All my online friends were covertly “eating cheese” as it were.*

It seems like life is a big reality show and everyone plays their “part”. People act out “work”, “play”, “church”, “family time”, “vacations”, “birth”, “death”, “marriage”…all just a play. It’s d0ne by rote, without feeling. It’s done automatically because if the parts aren’t played and the lines not uttered you are in “violation” and will be “punished”. I don’t want to lend any validation to those debunkers who say that ti’s have “Truman Show Syndrome” which is the “newest” syndrome in the DSM Book of Lies, though, and of COURSE can be readily and conveniently treated with the latest “no side effects” neuroleptic brain death pills supplied by the hydraheaded Big Pharm to keep everyone dumbed down to the level of controllable human pet. This is no Truman Show. This is reality for thousands if not millions of innocent citizens who suffer in silence for years and decades on end with the only outlet being these blogs that are read mainly only by other targets, perp handlers, and other apparatai of the Machine.**

I still wonder though…how can it be real? How can there be no comfort. Even praying is scant comfort, as my mind is read and prayers are “answered” by perps. The Word of God is void when Word says only “God” “knows your heart” as the perps seem to know even more than God does. Where is the comfort? The fellowship with God? The fellowship with other Christians? The few “Christians” I’ve met are shills for the enemy using their “life story” and “faith” to draw me and and set me up for even more pain. Is this how it was supposed to be? It can’t be. Even in Paul’s depth of hardship and privation he had fellowship with God. His Roman handlers could not read his mind. He didn’t have armies of paid stalkers shadowing his movements and putting on skits for his misery. Even Jesus’ suffering on the Cross along with the torture and everything else lasted only hours. Were those hours like an Eternity?

I have felt the loss of fellowship with God and the inability to pray/enjoy the Bible, etc for YEARS. It must be Hell, no one bothered to tell me I’m dead, that’s all…

I took lots of risks when young, maybe one of them didn’t work out. Maybe I wasn’t “blessed” and “protected” by God. Maybe I angered God when young and never even had the chance to be “saved”. I wasn’t that nice a person, but neither was anyone that nice to me. Even then, I felt people were not acting in my best interests and my “parents” “advice” was poor and just designed to demoralize me and not help at all.

I go out and everyone is in on it. Cars go by with sneering staring perps. Perps walk by with dirty looks saying ugly things under their breath. Store clerks are rude. I see cops all the time. People will go out of their way to try and engage me in conversation but I know it’s fake even before I begin, just another way to info gather that the complete surveillance/brain interface/constant personal attack tactics of the perps cannot acheive. They want me to relax, feel comfortable around someone…think I’ve found a “friend”. I have fallen for this crap too many times. I took one in my home last year. What a mistake.

How long will the fakery last before I’m dropped into the fire along with the other sinners? I can already feel the seperation from God. The world seems dead, cold, FAKE from here. I’m beginning to smell it’s a fraud. I sit in the one religious service I go to and the stench of fire is clinging to every smirking face. God would never let the world go so far into evil that it seemed a suburb of Hell, or would He? He allowed the Holocaust and the mass murders of Stalin and Mao even before I was born. Most of those victims of atrocities were atheists who really believed the life they had was it, or Jews, who did not believe in Salvation and were unclear on the Afterlife. I forgot Pol Pot, his demonic activities along with Idi Amin’s were more recent.  Is all the “history” I know a fake as well? Are all the wars, slaughters, diseases, storms all just a construct of my demonic handlers? Life is sure cheap on this planet. Humans are surely not God’s “chosen” race. Are other sentinents even worse?

The only answer I have is that the End is here and hearts have truly gone cold. Real human emotion is very rare and usually extinct in the life of a ti. The ti becomes cold himself, regressed, infantalized, dulled to evil, either a potential suicide or perp recruit. Any ti who resists the dehumanizing gets punished more or taken out. The future of a psycho-civilized infantalized stupid race of human pets is upon us. People will be medicated, numbed and controlled from cradle to grave. Learning and scholarship will die except if the learning has to do with even more technology to further animalize humans. School will be a place of indoctrination, a place to learn to conform and “get along”. Learning, even at the “college” level will be truly minimal. Your whole life will be planned and chosen by the controllers even before you are born.

People will follow fashion, music, movies and reality shows for their “religion”. Evangelical religion and any other fundamental religion is only used as a very complex babysitting service to control those whose lives went haywire using the substances that are supposed to be “illegal” but are supplied from the same people who prohibit them. Those who refuse to imbibe substances and get into the prison/recovery/religious path will be given eating disorders to take up their precious time. Others will be made to spend endless hours at mindless “jobs”. Others will spend hours online or in front of the television, the main brainwash tool. A few will be allowed to pursue what seem to be real careers in business, or the arts. Even THEY will be controlled and any disobedience promptly punished.

The evangelical religions will be run by high level handlers of the controllers. Any “convert” who thinks for themselves will be put “out” of their churches. The pious who spew Scripture will be the chief ones of satan behind the scenes. The Religion of the Twelve Steps will be provided for those who resist traditional religion. Otherwise, out of control, non psycho civilized, non pet humans who have gone “wild” on substances or even THOUGHT will be put in jails/halfway houses/mental institutions/or in the famous prison without bars, targetting.

Who knows when the Earth ceased to be a place for humans to be born, grow, thrive and develop are relationship with God? It was before I was born. May the memory of those who got into bed with the Nazis after the war to control the “free” American people be blotted out forever.

*By “eating cheese” I mean ratting me out, not being French, nor being some kind of unpatriotic traitor per the Republican Party.  A rat “eats cheese”…where is the most cheese made in the US?

**in other words, non-targets with hostile intent being assigned to read this and other blogs to take the temperature, as it were of the targets inner mental state where the conventional mind reading processes and the V2k harassment, gangstalking, created reality protocol could not quite reach.