Downcastmysoul

My heart is aching.  I’m all alone.  I will die alone.

I finally got ahold of that “friend” I blogged about before who had that problem with the hospital.  She wants nothing to do with me.  This is after she got screwed by the system.  I asked her why she was still so cold to me and she gave me some weak ass excuse about something that happened 3 years ago.  I begged her to put me off her “call block” she said “no”.  All I could think of in my head while I talked to her was “ice cold bitch”  and “evil bitch”.  She said I could come over sometime and help her find something she can’t find if she remembers to call me.  Thanks but no.

I can see thru that old excuse.  She must have been blackmailed by the perps to leave me alone.  She must surely know by now that her father really does not want to contact her and it has nothing to do with me!

She as much admitted in the phone call that she has no friends now and just spends time alone and in “therapy”, but she still remains cold to me.  That “friend” that broke us up is long gone.  She still keeps in occasional “touch” with her by phone because I believe she has her eyes on the prize:  my friend’s tiny bit of money–and she won’t give up until she is made power of attorney and has it!

I tried to call my sister, she did not return my call.  Cold bitch.  The Lord said that “hearts would grow cold”.  I am not evil or a monster.  The perps and the people in my life make me feel like one.

I got perped the hell out of yesterday when I went out.  Tons of skits.  Evil shits.  It seemed half the people I saw yesterday were perps doing skits on me.  I was getting shit on EVERYWHERE.  When I was a block from home, I saw a man “just happening by” ahead of me.  He sat down.  I thought, “another perp”.  I yelled out loud “no more perping, I mean it, no more.”  I was gonna get physical I swear.  It must have been something in his voice but he walked off for some reason without making a sound.