Britney?

January 31, 2008 at 4:13 pm (Britney Spears, antipsychotic medication, coerced hospitalization, gangstalking)
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It never ends.  Britney Spears is taken to the “hospital” again.  A little more than a year after she divorced Kevin Federline her career has been reduced to ashes.  This time, it looks like they might keep her.  She is getting the “72 hour hold”.  This time she might get the “pills”.  Oh, how I wish I could warn her off the shrinks, but there is no way to warn her or the thousands of other people who are suddenly “melting down” after being exposed to gangstalking and electronic harassment.  The news says she probably has a mild form of Bi Polar disorder that is being exacerbated with alcohol and drugs.  Strange, how she did not seem to have any “mental problems” before her husband left her.

I’m no expert, but I think her melting point came when it was rumored she heard that Federline and the “love of her life” Justin Timberlake, were making fun of her in public.  It’s what targets deal with everyday:  ridicule and betrayal.  For a pampered celebrity though, it can be too much after having every desire catered to and being surrounded by kissasses 24/7.

It really looks like the end for Britney if she doesn’t get her act together, clean up, get some spirituality, and move the heck out of Hollywood. Will she join the “27″ club?  It almost looks like it.  She needs to start over.  Now she may not have the chance.  It is obvious her family is trying to commit her.  If she is committed, she will have to stay in the hospital as long as the doctors say, and she will HAVE to take whatever “medicine” they give her, or it will be forced upon her via syringe.  If she’s lucky, she will have a good lawyer who can get her out of this mess, and into some kind of aftercare.  After that, she should disappear, grow up, and find a God before it’s too late.  She’s going to need to start from the ground up.  She will have to mature 20 years before she’s ever in the public eye again.

The hospital is sneaky, too.  If she is forced to take “meds” she should always ask to take them in pill form so she can see what and how much she is taking.  Any prescription drug book has color plates that show drugs and different dosages and also the imprint that the pill has on it.  This is mainly for brand name pills.  The generics are different and I’m not sure if the drug books picture them yet.  I know for myself, that the hospital I was in in 1982 gave me my “meds” in a bit of juice so I never knew how much I was getting or even WHAT I was getting.  I was supposed to be getting the same drug that was prescribed to me from before but WHO KNOWS?  It could have been anything.

Also, if she is force hospitalized, she should act as sane as possible to get out as soon as possible.  The longer she is in there, the easier it will be for people to take legal action against her since she will be declared incompetent by law.  She must prevent, at all costs, her parents from becoming her “power of attorney”.  They will take all her money and only dole it out when they FEEL like it.  She will become poor overnight.  Her parents will gobble up all her earnings and she will never see a cent.  She will end up forgotten and alone like Frances Farmer, who was committed to the state hospital by her parents and lived in hell there for years until she used trickery to escape her parents while out of the hospital to “take care” of them.  She later moved to the Midwest where the former movie star did COMMUNITY THEATER until her premature death of cancer.

Britney should also be careful about getting off the “meds” as soon as possible, especially if they are anti-psychotics.  The side effects from these horrible pills cause involuntary facial movement, severe anxiety and agitation, weight gain, diabetes and a multitude of other effects including loss of intelligence and an early death.  The anti bipolar pillscause many side effects but are not nearly as bad as anti-psychotics.  If she truly wants to live drug free later she can keep off all alcohol and drugs, avoid “party people” like the plague, and change her diet and use supplements to avoid relapses.  Of course, if she’s a target, her perps will do whatever it takes to cause her emotional upset and create a “crisis”, especially as she’s weaning off the drugs.  Every psychoactive drug has a withdrawal process even the “less toxic” antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills.

I hope she makes it out of psychiatric hell and can help raise her children again.

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“friends”

January 30, 2008 at 8:45 pm (Gloria Naylor, betrayal, gangstalking)
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Another friend lost…I used to blame myself but now I know better.  When I read Gloria Naylor’s 1996 and read of how one of her nearest friends was used by her perps in order to get to her, I finally felt this could happen to any target, even a respected writer.  I have heard tons of target accounts on how friends “turned” on targets but this was so particularly nasty I yelled out in shock and disgust.  Her “friend” arrives at her home for a visit to give her “support” through her stalking.  While he’s there, her perps give him “assignments” to do including hijacking her laptop so they can mess with it.  He initially balks as his “assignment” but is told to do it or ELSE.  Turns out, he already worked for the security agency that ran Gloria’s stalking.  I also think blackmail is one of the primary methods of getting non “agency” friends and family of targets to turn.

By pure chance, Gloria catches her “friend” running from the “neighbor’s” house where they have set up “perp operations”.  Then she knows.  She handles it very well.  She does not yell at him or accuse him, she merely makes the observation that he is “looking for crabs” in her crab traps in his best clothes.  Yeah, Gloria!  Too bad I don’t have the same class and self control over my fake “friends” she does!  I have tried questioning, accusing, arguing, blah blah blah all to no avail to countless “suddenly cold” friends and acquaintances and bosses.  Once they “turn” they “turn”.  I was really tricked by this last one though.

I was so desperate for a “real” friend that I kept up contact with her even after I “caught” her.

It was so strange.  I met her at work.  Before our “friendship” she seemed distant, cold, and know-it-all.  I even suspected she was a perp by the way she treated me.  When I would have conversations with her, it seemed as if she was trying to look inside of me to peer deep down to look for “secrets”.  Being around her was pretty uncomfortable.

When she discovered we almost had a birthday in common, things changed.  She asked if I wanted to go out for our birthdays.  I jumped at the chance as no one else seemed to care about my birthday, including my family. 

The birthday dinner led to trips to the movies, more eating out and store trips.  Finally I got to spend the night.  I was glad to get away thinking I would get reduced Voice to Skull at a person’s house where all the electronics had not been “set up”.  There were very few “voices” but the building was full of “spies” that checked us out when we came and went.  The “neighbors” would even knock at the door to “borrow” eggs and milk when I was there and I got my “friend” to admit they never knocked when I wasn’t there.  Now I wonder if a signal was exchanged with the “neighbor” at the door when they knocked.  You never know.

As I had gotten to know her, she related her life to me and it seemed to me she was a target, also.  She would complain about people being in her apartment, stealing things, trying to hack onto her computer, and even her food being tampered with!  She blamed a certain person for most of it and it sure seemed his leering smirking self was around every time we’d come or go.  He also started showing up at work.

She complained about her family turning their backs on her and being brutally taken advantage of by employers.  I tried to convince her she was a target and to join some of the message forums on the web, but she refused.  She told me that she was NOT a target, or, at least she didn’t want to think of herself as one.  Give her time, I thought. 

One night, I decided to go over there for a little while to get away from perp central here.  There was little to do there, but it was a change of scenery.  We mostly watched TV. 

When it was time for bed, I went over to the couch to sleep.  Sleeping was difficult there, so I stayed up much of the night.  I noticed she did, too.  After about an hour where I heard snoring I heard her get up and move around, watch TV, use the bathroom, etc.  I began to get scared she would try to do something to me in my sleep.  I had never spent a night with her and did not trust her.  I really don’t trust anyone 100%, so being on guard around this new “friend” was a matter of course.

At about 3am, I heard her talk to someone (I guess over her cell phone).  I heard her say “how should I know?”.  I was obvious she was being questioned about something from my visit and she did not know the answer probably because I didn’t “open up” about something the losers wanted to know about.

After that, I cried miserably for 2 hours knowing that this woman was a fake as well.  I cried very softly, no need for her to know I knew.  I stayed the next night, and even though I slept some of it out of pure exhaustion, I noticed she was “up” everytime I had to get up to use the bathroom, etc.  I guess I should have discontinued the “friendship” after that but these losers make you so desperate for anyone to talk to you continue to engage people that even YOU know are perps because there is no alternative.

Later on, she spent the night at my apartment.  I thought she would sleep better here, as there were no fumes that she complained about at her apartment.  NO DICE.  I heard her snore about an hour then get up.  I was tired, so I slept, but every time I got up for a minute or so, I heard her.  Now I wonder what the hell she did when she was there and I was asleep?

One day, after not hearing from her for a week, I saw her at work.  She was totally cold.  She did not say “hi”.  The only thing she said was some snide remark about my appearance. I went into the bathroom and she had moved over to the table of the man who was supposed to be her “perp”.  Very odd.   I had to be around her later in the day because a mutual friend needed help.  My “friend” did not say one word to me that whole day except “bye” when she left.  “Bye” indeed.

The next week, she was not even at work.  We talked one more time regarding our mutual friend and her problems but that was it.  I saw her at work one more time, and no conversation.  The next week she was not at work and I heard she had changed her schedule so as not to see me there.  Strangely enough, her “perp” was still showing up on MY DAY.  Go figure.  Guess he was “my ” perp after all.  Big shock there.

Our mutual friend says she found out my “friend” moved!  Guess her “assignment” was over so now she will “disappear”.  I’m sure she will get “rewarded” for her ”service”.

I have had countless other “friends” turn in my life and I only post this so new targets can have a heads up about their friends, especially NEW friends they make after the targetting has begun.  Always watch how your new friend behaves and don’t be crushed when they turn out to be yet another perp informant.  Don’t go too much into detail about your targetting, even to a new friend met on a target forum.  Don’t EVER relate personal details that your perps would find very titillating, in other words, DO NOT open up about your problems until you REALLY know your new friend.

If you end up being “taken” again, don’t beat yourself up.  It can happen.  They are trained to be convincing to even the most discerning target.  This “friend” was a very good actress, or “thespian” as they refer to themselves in a  “perp letter” that was published on the Internet  awhile back but has since disappeared.   She went on and on about how everyone had betrayed her, she told me what a faithful Christian she was and talked about the “end times” and the whole shebang, brought me to her church, and told me she “never” betrayed people.  She became very suddenly interested in the 9/11 truth movement–I guess to “convince” me she wasn’t one of my perps by talking against the government.  As if that would convince me.  Plenty of people all over the place who don’t like the government, dear.  The rest of the ploys really worked, though.

It’s almost impossible to tell who is a perp nowadays since their acting skills are impeccable.  By the time most targets find out, it’s too late and the mole has at least some of the information that their perp boss sent them to obtain.  I still can’t see why it’s necessary to have friends turn on targets anyway unless it’s to enhance the feeling of isolation and despair.  After all, mind reading is real, and they can get what they “want” 24/7.  Bastards.

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Voice to Skull Hell

January 27, 2008 at 4:17 pm (Gloria Naylor, gangstalking, mind control)
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I couldn’t believe my luck!  There it was!  1996, the semi fictional book about targeting by Gloria Naylor…at the library!  Finally, I’d get to read one of the first books ever published about targeting!  The book is now 2 years old not counting the about the year it took that it’s release was delayed.  When it was released it was not for sale at the bookstore, it was on special order only, as if they wanted to take NAMES of the people who wanted to read it.  A month later, it was being sold for only 5 bucks at one of the on-line publishing places.  Imagine my shock over seeing it in the library!  I snatched it off the shelf and lo and behold a stalker was standing behind me with her hand over her mouth laughing.  I still took the book out.  I’m glad I did.

The slim volume tells a big story.  It’s told alternately by the main character “Gloria Naylor” and by the people who start and continue her stalking protocol.  It shows what Gloria “does” that angers her mentally ill “neighbor” and gets that neighbor to call her brother, a high ranking officer in the NSA.

Gloria works hard to keep it all together for months at her island home before feeling forced to leave to go back to New York where her stalking continues at a newer and higher level.  Through it all, she shows her inner strength and does not let the stalking and then the electronic torture ruin her spirit.

The perps get more and more mired in stupidity as they are forced to call their target an “Antisemitic” based on one utterance she made in public in order to keep the whole ball rolling.  After awhile, even the “original” “reason” why she is targeted does not even matter, the monster rolls ahead on it’s own power, each agent wanting to make it work because that’s what keeps the money coming in.  The weird sister that starts the whole thing is all but forgotten…Gloria’s protocol becomes an industry onto itself.

The thing that struck me most about the book is how the Voice to Skull remote harassment is begun and continued.  At first, they just use it to harass and demean her, then, they get a mind reading machine and the “fun” begins!  Luckily for Gloria, she is a very strong woman and she also has family, friends, and a very moral, understanding doctor.  Every Targeted Individual should read this book.

The book also has an appendix with 2 articles from well known TI’s and a bibliography along with a few Internet links.  I bless the buyer at my local library for buying this book when her bigger more expensive library system neighbor to the North did not bother.  You can read a longer/better review of this book at raven1.net.

As bad as Gloria’s Voice to Skull gets, there seems to be limitations on it.  They cannot harass her outside of her home for instance.  Also, they keep their harassment to name calling and demeaning.  I get my Voice to Skull harassment everywhere even when there is no one around.  Not only that, I am constantly threatened all day and told what to do or ELSE.  I have gone outside of the city just to THINK FOR MYSELF AND PRAY without having a scumbag respond to me and it failed.  This is repeated on the forums where people have even gone deep underground and still felt/heard the harassment.  There were no people around at all, even in the parking lot where I had gone to.  Some people say that the voices can even be sent via satellite if need be.

The technology for the voices has been around for at least 3 decades according to Eleanor White’s website.  I have also read where the mind reading machine that reads brain waves remotely and converts them into inner dialogue on a machine has also existed for 30 years in Communist countries before being brought over to enslave “free” people after Communism fell in the late 80s.  Mind reading is also said to occur when a machine is able to read vocal cord tension and translate that into inner dialogue.

Arguments still rage whether mind reading is “real”, but I know it is real for me, at least.  Please look at your library for the book and if it is not there, try ordering it via inter-library loan.  It is also still available for purchase new and used at Amazon.

sleestak-worshipper

SLEESTAKS….FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY.

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point system

January 26, 2008 at 12:30 pm (coerced hospitalization, gangstalking)

There is one thing I forgot to write about the hospital.  The “point system” they used to help control out behavior.  This kind of behavior based privilege system is in use in most institutional situations such as hospitals, jails, reform schools and the like. 

Every evening after dinner we would meet in the “dining area” of the ward to get our “points” for the day.  Each patients “score” along with details of how they “did” that day was discussed in front of the whole group.  Our point system had 4 levels.  If you were on level one or two you were dog shit.  No cigarettes, no coffee, and I forgot what else..You may have even had to sleep in the day room on “suicide watch”.  Level 3 was coffee and cigarettes..everyone strove to get at least a Level 3.  Level 4, “good behavior”  meant some off ward privileges like eating in the hospital’s main dining room, visits (with staff) to the nearest convenience store, weekly visits to the grocery store and even grounds privileges and supervised outings.  There was also a “workshop” where patients could do “piecework” for pennies as “work training”.  The biggest privilege was a pass home with parents for a few hours to a whole weekend.  It wasn’t hard to be a Level “4″:  just keep quiet and don’t start arguments or “act out”.  It took a while to get the passes even if you were a “4″ though as I recall.

Living at the hospital was almost intolerable below a Level 3.  It kept people in line pretty much, and there were convicted juvenile criminals living there along with teens who were “mentally ill”.  The badasses, the popular kids, managed to make trouble and get away with it, of course.  Only the unpopular/not bad teens got nailed on the rules usually.

Although the passes were the highest privilege the hospital offered, they were the hardest to handle as well.  The kids would cheerfully recount what they did on “pass” after they got back but going back behind those locked doors was hell relived.  When I finally got to go on “pass” I spent the whole time dreading going back to the hospital.  Going “home” to my parents for the first time on pass was the worst.  It seemed the house was more “cheerful” in my absence and there were new things bought.  I began to realize my role in the family was not a good one and “happy times” were when I was away.  I was on the edge of tears the rest of that pass.

The reason I put this up is that I think our gangstalkers/mind controllers have us on a kind of point system.  Instead of it being target run, it’s perp run, however…”good” behavior does not necessarily mean more “privileges”.  I think the perps running each target’s harassment determine what “privleges” each target gets.  Your harassment “protocol” determines what kind of

  • housing you will have
  • if you will have housing or “live” in a hospital or jail
  • if you have a car of have to use public transportation
  • if you have friends
  • if you have friends who are targets (yes they even determine this)
  • if you are “allowed” contact with family
  • if you will be electronically harassed or just stalked
  • if you are mind read
  • if you are allowed to keep a job
  • if you are allowed to be healthy
  • if you will be allowed to have a mate

And the list goes on.  I think my “privileges” have been “reduced” since I have gone online about gangstalking/mind control and they are continuing to tighten the noose.  The little I was allowed to “have” before I went online is pretty much gone.

The sad part is, is that people in the general population are being controlled this way as well.  There is no free will.  The elite determine who gets what in this country.  You can be a non target and work and work for a  house, a car, a mate, etc..and if you aren’t “supposed” to get it you never will.  I think they have a personality profile on each person and only let the morally bankrupt people “rise” in life anymore.  If you are moral at all you will probably sink into poverty or debt eventually.  They only let good people have anything if they are a useful tool to get at a target…the non targets who are “middle class” just run and run to stay in place.  I am automatically suspicious of anyone who seems to live way beyond their means or who suddenly “has” more things than before.  The non targets have a point system too.

It’s sure hard to look at life from a target’s point of view

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funny/not funny

January 25, 2008 at 5:44 pm (Uncategorized)
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Well, did my eating improve after that?  NOT.  Ever see the “food rules” about how frozen food/food eaten while standing, etc does NOT HAVE CALORIES??? Well, my eating habits aren’t that far off.

January 22, 1999–a Friday to boot!

2 Fibar                                                  280

2 Piece Cake                                         580

1 Grapefruit                                          140

English Muffin                                       140

3 Eggs                                                     240

T Margarine                                          100

Non Dairy Coffee Cream                      160

Total  after ”Breakfast”                        1610

2 Hot Pockets                                           560

Greens 1.5 cup                                            90

Non Dairy Coffee Creamer                         80

Total after “Lunch”                                 2340

Slim Fast Bar                                              220

Cocoa 12oz                                                   200

Total at 4pm                                               2760

oink oink oink (that was in the entry)

2 Gum                                                           110

Spice Tea                                                          0

Mushroom Soup 1.5 cup                             255

Spinach Salad                                               100

Seeds                                                               50

Dressing                                                          30

Muffin                                                           250

Butter                                                           100

Total after Dinner                                     3555

But wait, there’s more!

5 crumpets (???)                                        350

Honey 1T                                                       60

Total for Day                                             3965

This is enough for 2 days!

January 23, 1999

  • 2 Yogurt                                           340
  • Power Bar                                        240
  • Bagel                                                 280

Total after “Breakfast”                            860

  • 1/2 ice cream (???)                           75
  • QPC                                                   530
  • Filet (of moose?)                             450

Total for “Lunch”                                    1055

  • Candy worms                                  560

Total after All That all day                   2475

  • Med Orange Soda                         240

Total before the Dinner Feed              2715

  • 2 Oyster                                         282
  • 8 piece Sushi                                 244
  • Ginger                                                5
  • Soy Sauce                                          5
  • 2 Piece Cake                                 580

Total after Dinner                                 916

Total for the Day                                3631

OMG

I guess that’s enough.  I missed a day.  More fun for later I guess  The little “bullets” looked soo professional.  Made my “diet” look like I was trying.

 

 

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on the menu

January 23, 2008 at 1:39 pm (Uncategorized)
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I’m running out of diaries and older things to say.  I could blog a “food diary” I tried to keep in 1999.  Hahahah.  I could keep a diary of what’s “new” but it seems “everyone” already knows “what’s up” in my life.  I could keep a depressing litany of everyday’s stalking and perp skit exercises…I don’t think anyone wants that.  Maybe “some day”.

Be prepared to laugh as I record what I eat to determine if I “eat too much” on any given day.  Caution: may trigger anorexics and people attempting to diet in the New Year.  For problems, see Dr. Newbold post above for a “diet” or any of the thousands of diet books and programs available.

January 20, 1999

Grapefruit, Whole                                                                                                                   90

Coffee with non Diary Creamer 2T                                                                                      80

Cinnamon Roll                                                                                                                          390

3 Hotcakes (with syrup and Butter)                                                                                  570

1 Biscuit                                                                                                                                   290

1 Hamburger                                                                                                                          260

1/2 Sprite + 1/2 Plain Soda                                                                                                   75

Small Hi-C                                                                                                                               160

As of Dinnertime                                                                                                                  1915

1 Yogurt                                                                                                                                   170

2 HotPockets                                                                                                                           560

2 Pieces of Cake                                                                                                                       580

Icing, 2T                                                                                                                                    130

Total for Day                                                                                                                      3345

Man, this is depressing!  That was/still is a typical day except I do not have the restaurant job that I had back then.  (You guess the restaurant).  A “normal” woman needs 2000 cals a day to maintain weight and some even eat less to maintain a NORMAL not GLAMOROUS weight, like a size 10 or 12 or whatnot.  Horrible.  I once asked a diet doctor what I could do to keep some weight off I had lost…the nurse said: eat 1500 calories a day for the rest of your life….I literally heard a prison door close.  Wonder if this is normal????  Obviously it did not work out.

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It’s Sunday

January 20, 2008 at 12:44 pm (Uncategorized)
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Does anyone want a Bible Lesson?  Aww quit groaning.  Here are some Bible verses I copied out of the New International Version in 2001 under various headings.

Mocking

Elisha

“From there, Elisha went up to Bethel.  As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. ‘Go on up, baldhead!’ they said.  He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord.  Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.”

2 Kings 2:23-24

The Proper Fast (If the diet wasn’t enough)

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting.  I tell you they truth, they have received their reward in full.  But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen;  and your Father , who sees what is done in secret will reward you.”

Matthew 6: 16-18

Pride

“There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him.  Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.”

Proverbs 6: 16-19

Cup of Wrath

“I will put it into the hands of your tormentors, who said to you, ‘Fall prostrate that we may walk over you,’ and you made your back like the ground, like a street to be walked over.”

Isaiah 51:23

Thanksgiving

“How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.  They feast on the abundance of your house;  you give them drink from your river of delights.  For with you is the fountain of life;  in your light we see light.”

Psalm 36: 7-9

Thats all this Sunday.  I have tons and tons of verses written there but I’m sure you can get ahold of a Bible somewhere.

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a new diet for a new year?

January 19, 2008 at 2:52 pm (Uncategorized)
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Here are 2 entries from early 2000 I found on food!  I think one entry is notes I took on the book Food and Healing by Annemarie Colbin written in 1986, but I’m not sure.  It was a library book.  The other was on how food can heal mental illness by H.L. Newbold, M.D.  He gives testimony in the book on how diet and supplements cured severly mentally ill patients of his and many physically ill patients as well.  I included his daily diet.  It seems a variation on the theme of low carb.  This was before I found out about the stalking and thought I could “naturally” cure my “mental illness”.  A lot of these diets over the years seem to have one common denominator: lack of white flour and heavy on the veggies.  Even today’s “new” diets are really extreme low carb vegetarian spartan regimes built on these early diets.  (ph diets)  I think the lists come from the chapters that start on Page 48 and Page 148.  In the notes I took back then it says the info comes from page 36 and page 49, but I don’t have the book on me. I will play it safe for now until I know whether it’s “stealing” to put down a list of some of the foods that are considered healing foods and how they heal the body without page numbers.  I can put down the Newbold Diet however.

January 2000

From the book called “Mega Nutrients for Your Nerves” by H.L. Newbold M.D.,  copyright 1975, Peter H. Wyden Publisher, New York

pp. 108-111  (from my notes)

Diet.  What he eats:

Breakfast:

Tea

2TB Lecithin, 1TB Safflower oil, 1TB Torula yeast, 1 Grapefruit, 1 HB egg or Chicken leg, Vitamins and Minerals (ewww horrible, my comment from 2000)

Lunch:

Meat (any Plain)

Salad with Lemon and oil dressing (one of many diets that prohibits vinegar I’ve noticed, my comment 2008)

Vegetable

Potato

Piece of Fruit

Dinner:

Huge piece of Meat (he said he ate about a pound of meat at dinner)

Salad

Vegetable

Brown Rice

Fruit

No Milk, Bread, Oats, Sugar, Soda Pop, or even Cheese is allowed. No goodies.

pp. 112-113 What to Drink

Vegetable Juice, Herbal Tea, Decaf (ugh) coffee, Mineral Water, Sparkling Mineral Water, and one note: Booze should not be mixed with sugary drinks

Vitamin needs (incomplete) pp. 120-129

Vit A. 10,000 I.U. a day

B1 or Thiamin 500 mg a day

B2 or Riboflavin 60 mg a day

B3 or Niacin 250 to 500 mg 3x a day

Folic Acid 10mg 4x a day

B5 Pantothenate 218 mg at bedtime (found also in organ meats, egg yolk, and yeast.)

The list went on but my diary didn’t on this matter.  Hungry?

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1999 recap

January 18, 2008 at 12:02 pm (Uncategorized)
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I wrote these two entries on the same day 9 years ago when I was jobless and looking for something to do.

July 10, 1999

Since I wrote this diary in 1982, my life has been an endless series of ups and downs.  I did finish college but never got a professional job.  As a matter of fact, I still lose jobs at an alarming rate, leading me to think it is time to get benefits. Nothing good has really happened to me except getting “saved” a few years ago.  All the old ones are gone except Uncle ____ who is 100!!!  Now my father’s generation are becoming the old ones.  My uncle ____ is in his 80s and my father is in his 70s. My youngest uncle is just 70.  My mother is gone.  We never really made up.  My sister was (and is) really the only child in this family.  Now she is married with a child and working in her field.  Her husband, who is a jerk, is still in school.  Our dog was given away just before mom died.  Nothing ever happened to me:  no marriage proposals, no great job offers.  I don’t even have a car, or a job at the moment.  I will be evicted from my apartment soon.  I weigh 100 more pounds than when I stopped my diary in 1982.  My teeth are rotting away and I can’t see a dentist, my health is worse.  I have a few grays in my hair now.  If I knew my life was going to end up like this….The only thing that keeps me going is God.  He says that they enemies of the righteous will be punished, and that there will be no pain or poverty in Heaven.  Our enemy, satan, works against us every day, because he is mad that we gave our souls to God’s Son, Jesus Christ, and he will do anything to mess up our lives.  That, and all the medication I’m on for various ailments.

 July 10 1999-#2

Got up at ____ and went early to her job.  Her crap ass boss is making comments.  Piss on you!  I went to the diner down the street and at caloric goodies for 7.42 in all.  $7.42!  I did not get that much.  Came back and joined crew here for “lunch”.  “Lunch” was one burrito and a weak cup of ice tea.  Yummy!  These people here do not feed you right.  ___ wants me to clean her house for free.  Never!  Clean your own D___ house you lazy pig.  Her house looks like it was hit by a TORNADO!  ____ got me one little bitty assignment to do.  Whoopee.  Now it is her punch-out time.  Why are we not leaving.  I must go.  List of vite’s on next page was from summer, 1998.   Vites are expen$ive.

 Same old same old.  Changed things and fudged sentences to protect the guilty.  Next, a post in here from 2000 on “what to eat”.  As if.

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the end???

January 17, 2008 at 5:38 pm (Uncategorized)
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Now we are getting to the end of the diary. I stopped writing it in December 1982 after about 5 months, which is probably longer than I did anything else at that time. I also wrote an entry in July of 1999 after reading it again and there are also a few other additions in this book and another little notebook, mainly Bible verses on getting harassed and also a very extensive prayer list I was going off of for awhile. I will put down the Bible verses but not the prayer list. Well, here’s the end of the story.

November 14, 1982

Here are my complaints for to-day. Here is my bah humbug so that I may find things to be grateful for in the new new(sic) year. Sorry for the x-tra new. I am ungrateful because I’m not getting along hardly at all on my job, I still don’t have the car, I’m still over 140 pounds and my life is crappy all around!!!!!!!!!!!  So there! Bah humbug to this lousy season!!!!!!!!!!!!  Good-day

November 15, 1982

Dear God, cvetch cvetch cvetch oh cvetch this is my negative attitude. Ha! Ha! Remember the real good comes next year. I will make it. Good-day

Dear God, I’m gonna work on my “nobody’s” project today definitely a good anti-well small curse. (?????? just go by what’s written here. Must be a kind of homework from my therapist. I also invented a punk band? in my head called the Nobody’s. Sounded cool back then.) This shows I’m not working my ass off just because it’s this season. So THERE. That should bring me some happiness in the new year. One “good” thing about the new year is that I’ll be thin! Save the fat for the old year. YEAH!!!! Ode to the new year. Good-day.

November 17, 1982

Dear God, I’ve nothing to say exept if those tickets cost me my job, I don’t want them. I mean it. I want to get good at my job. Good-day

What tickets? I won some tickets to a Dr. Who festival being the right call in to a radio show that fall..must be it, and it must have coincided when I was to work. I went to the festival, thought it was boring, and did not lose my job. I wasn’t even a Dr. Who fan. It was called the Whovian festival if I recall. All I really wanted was a scarf like Dr. Who. My grandmother made me one. :)

November 19, 1982

Dear God, I’ve been saving my happiness for the new year. I don’t have much time till this season is over. Thank You Dear God!!! Good-day

November 28, 1982

Dear God, I’m in trouble. I’m acting all wrong with the people on my job, and I think all the progress I’ve made with them is going down the drain. I hope not. Oh well, maybe I will have the sacrifice relationships, and not complain about them for happiness in the new year, then maybe I can be friends then when I’ve held onto my job longer. I don’t know. Good-day.

November 30, 1982

I’m in trouble, HELP! I walked off the job early because I felt sick, and my boss’s pep talk. Maybe he’s right. I do have the potential to be the best. He said I had a “Yiddish coup” which means I’m smart. (He’s Jewish.) He says he has faith in me to become the best. And the only reason he’s kept me on is that faith and that sometimes I try. but I haven’t been trying very hard lately. All this cursed stuff about D___ and J____ have broken my blessed concentration which has let my keep my job as long as I have. All this thing about J____ dropping by the store, and my boss telling me D___ has a crush on me has got to stop. It is not important. What is important is whether I hold onto this or not, whether I do good, and winning the human respect of others. Not this lovey-dovey crap (’scuse me). I’m not made for romance. My fantasies of stars are good enough for that (for now). Well It looks like I’ve talked a lot. More tonight or tomorrow. Good-day

December 3, 1982

Dear God, Sorry for not writing, but my thoughts have been preoccupied with my work. Well, today I’ve  held onto my job for five weeks, which is usually the quitting point for me. But this time is different, even though I shouldn’t ask for blessings in the old year, I want to keep this job.Its the best job I’m going to find anywhere with my experience, age, and job history. I need to keep this job for the money, the stability and the car. Please help me Dear God. Good-day

December 4, 1982

Dear God, so revenge time is here again. I will show mom how skinny works, with a little help from my friends. I will get them from a doctor and get just enough to get down another 10 pounds, just to show her what thin is!!! She won’t say I’m doing bad again!!! She’ll be sorry!!! Please give me the strength to keep my job. Good-day.

I posted in Feb 2000 “lucky I didn’t become anorexic”. Lucky? Well at least I would have enjoyed being thin until my premature death at like age 20 of anorexia. Oh well, dosen’t run in the family. We were/are a bunch of sweet eaters.  I did manage to lose 30 total pounds then and was quite thin for me but nowhere near anorexic, of course. (155-125) I kept the job until the end of that month, about 2 months. The longest I ever kept a  job up to that point. The diary ends here. I added another entry in 1999 and some prayers in 2000 or 2001 or so. I will post these also. It’s been real.

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